The ABC’s of Parenting
A is for accepting yourself and your children as able.
B is for behaving so your children feel they belong.
C is for the courage you have to make choices, to be consistent, to cooperate
and to truly care.
D is for the dignity you give with discipline.
E is for the effort and energy to encourage.
F is for, family flexibility, forgiveness and allowing feelings.
G is for the goodness you show with guidelines and goals.
H is for the honesty and honoring you teach as you do, and hugs go a long way too.
I is for the interest you show and the intentions you have to influence.
J is for the joy when justice is found jointly without judging.
K is for kindness in all that you do.
L is for love, the greatest of all, and two ways to give it are to listen and to limit.
M is for modeling the messages you send.
N is for nurturing, a need we all have.
O is for the obligation to our opportunity, with optimism.
P is for the patience we need to be positive professionals as we praise and
protect and prepare.
Q is for questioning our quick reactions.
R is for responding with respect to the rights and responsibilities with
reasonable rules.
S is for sharing our ways of solving and surviving that create for all a healthy sense
of self.
T is for the time it takes to teach, to trust and to show how to thrive.
U is for understanding. To give it is to get it.
V is for the constant vigil it takes to validate the value of your children, and
yourself.
W is for the wisdom you need to keep the wonder of parenting warm, whole
and always worthwhile.
X is for xenogenis, the production of an individual who is completely different
from either of the parents. Your child is not a xerox of you. She/he is unique
in all the world. Be eXcited!
Y is for you, the most important person to your young.
Z is for your zeal, the eager endeavor of devotion to your purpose, to keep you
from the zig-zag sharp turns away from your critical course.
© 1995 Jim R. Rogers, ParentsCare
For a free copy, request at ParentsCare@sc.rr.com
SEE REVIEW FROM THE FAMILY JOURNAL BELOW
Although still learning, inc., offers primarily services, we are pleased to also offer a product, written, produced and directed by Jim and Sally.
"Who Makes Us Us? We Do." (in vhs or dvd format, 25 minutes) Is A Dramatic Guide To Basic Parenting Skills.
How We Parents, Teachers And Other
Caregivers Interact With Our Growing Children Can Have Long-Lasting Effects In A Positive Or Negative Way. Our Tone, Attitude, Mindfulness, Respect, And Yes, Love And Care Are Some Of The Most Critical Human Elements We Must Nurture In The Children And In Ourselves.
We Have Choices As To How We Will Behave; How We Role Model And How We Respond...With Response-Ability, Or With Response-Disability. The Choices We Make Can Help Our Children Have Better Chances To Create And Live Successful Lives In This Complex World.
Who Makes Us Us? Offers Input From Infants, Young Children, Young Adults, Fathers And Mothers In Dramatic Presentation Of Cause And Effect, Of Choices, Of Responses, Of Consequences.
A Pediatrician And A Marriage And Family Counselor Present Their Professional Comments Surrounding The Make Believe Situations That Are Too Often Too Real.
Available on vhs 35.00 and dvd 50.00 includes shipping and handling.
Complete scripts in English and Spanish plus a leaders guide and a promotional brochure are available upon request.
© 2005 Jim R. Rogers/Coastal Carolina University.
For information and copies contact parentscare@sc.rr.com
Or call: (843) 238-9291
FAMILY JOURNAL REVIEW JANUARY 08-
"They came here to live a life. We have to help them feel good about it" is one of many simple, yet profound statements made in this dramatic video guide to basic parenting skills for parents, teachers, and other caregivers. Brief vignettes demonstrate in stark contrast the differences between positive and effective parenting skills, and negative, or ineffective parenting skills. The results and consequences of nurturing and affirming parenting are verbalized and demonstrated by children, young adults, and adults, while the effects of devaluing and demeaning parenting are poignantly expressed in a series of monologues and dramatic scenes that leave no doubt about the pain and isolation experienced by young adults and adults who grew up feeling controlled, neglected, humiliated, unloved, or unwanted.
A pediatrician and a marriage and family therapist present their professional comments surrounding the parent-child interactions and the monologues, which are disquieting and all too real. The devastating effects of shaming, yelling, verbal or physical abuse, neglect, even dishonesty on the part of a parent or caregiver will inevitably manifest in the young adult as a sense of hopelessness, a sense of the self as "worthless and filled with flaws." Without a sense that one is lovable, that one matters, the individual "cannot find himself." She or he may grow up in constant fear, or with deep hurt or anger that gets expressed in self-defeating, even selfdestructive behavior.
Parents and other caregivers have a choice as to how they will behave, how they will respond to the children in their lives. They can choose to react and to control, to "force them into a mold of our choosing,", or they can respond and guide with love, respect, and affirmation. The video effectively demonstrates how parents, teachers, and other caregivers can show love, respect, affirmation, and forgiveness to the children in their lives. The commentary helps to underscore what love is and what it is not, what discipline is and is not, what effective communication is and is n9t. Our tone, our attitude, our body language, even our way of communicating with other adults in front of our children model what we believe about the innate uniqueness and special identity of every individual. Actions speak louder than words; however, words and actions combined can empower or cripple the soul.
This video, written and directed by Jim R. Rogers, a Certified Family Life Educator who has spent years helping parents and other caregivers learn new and more effective approaches to parenting and discipline, provides a valuable resource for counselors and marriage and family therapists, for teachers and other caregivers, as well as parents. The video could also be used effectively in counselor training programs as a springboard for group discussion surrounding the impact of how one's own experience of having been parented can affect one's approach in working with couples and families. Above all, the video provides an opportunity for personal reflection for all those who seek to help and nurture children to become nurturing and loving adults in our complex world.
Stacy Cretzmeyer, PhD, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Murrells Inlet, Sc. She can be reached at Coastline Counseling & Consulting Services, !LC. P. 0. Box 2913, Murrells Inlet, SC 29576; 843-357-8577.
Copyright (c) 2008 by Sage Publications. Published by Sage Publications on behalf of International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors. http://www.sagepub.com/journalsProdDesc.nav?prodId=Journal200924.
TESTIMONIALS FROM THE FIELD FOR
'WHO MAKES US US? WE DO,"
Comments from parent and family life educators across the country
“I really enjoyed the video. I thought the role-playing examples of the two sets of parents was especially effective and is probably the part that stuck with me the most. It was very effective in helping me to be more conscious about how I speak to my daughter (and my husband as well!) and what kind of messages I send when I do talk to them.”
Dawn Cassidy, M.Ed., CFLE, Minnesota
“I think it has a lot of good points. I like the color black and white contrast. I like the story of the young man who eventually is in jail and the young girl in the club. I do know that you certainly had the child outcomes reflect the research. You certainly got parents acknowledging feelings and children truly showing people the impact.”
Dana McDermott, PhD, Illinois
“Loved your overall and very important message in the DVD and the music. I thought that it would be a great introduction at the beginning of a parenting course and perhaps at a one time workshop to get folks more involved. It was moving to me and I think would be to others as well.”
Ruth Ettenberg Freeman, LCSW, Conneticut
“I LOVE the philosophy and the key parenting attitudes and skills that are discussed and demonstrated. I believe so strongly in the “IALAC” (I am lovable and capable) theory! The actors are great – both the parents and the teens– and of course the little ones!!! I was concerned at first that the “nurture” message was there but not the “structure” message. But as it went along, both messages were there and well balanced. The bitter teens were amazing! I like that you were totally honest about the negative things parents can say (and do all the time). This would be an excellent video for any parenting class.”
Joan Comeau, Ph.D., CFLE, Minneapolis
ParentsCare COLUMN IN THE REGIONAL SPECIALITY NEWSPAPER PARENT NEWS
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Learn about effective parenting and the national plan to make effective parenting a national priority!!!
NATIONAL EFFECTIVE PARENTING INITIATIVE
NEPI's mission is to promote, advocate and celebrate effective parenting and parenting education. Its vision is to make it the birthright of every child to be raised effectively by loving and skillful parents and caregivers who receive the best possible parenting education and community support.
still learning, inc. is pleased to be an affiliate organiztion along with a growing number of other concerned organizations and individuals to support this national Initiative. You can grow with it as well. We invited you to join in.
MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNTS AVAILABLE THROUGH
AFFILIATED ORGANIZATIONS, SUCH AS
still learning, inc. MAKE YOUR REQUESTS.
OTHER PARENTING EDUCATION AND FAMILY LIFE SOURCES
National Parenting Education Network (N-PEN), www.npen.org
National Council on Family Relations (NCFR with CFLE), www.ncfr.org
NC Parenting Education Network (NC-PEN), www.ncpen.org
The National Effective Parenting Initiative, www.EffectiveParentingUSA.org
FOR PARENTING TIPS AND ARTICLES
The Parents Toolshop www.parentstoolshop.com
The Center for the Improvement of Child Caring (CICC), www.ciccparenting.com